First of all apologies to anyone who may have contacted me and not got a response. I have been in the process of relocating to Ireland with no finances and finally after 2 years, through sheer determination, I have found a home here, with internet. This would not have been possible without the help and support of Angela Power Disney, journalist and child sex abuse activist.
I was living in insecurity in the UK after I had suffered badly at the hands of the British system when I tried to get help after being brutally beaten by an under cover operator. (photos available and article to follow) which led to my experiencing PTSD.
Researching that condition in 2009 – 2010 for evidence for a benefits appeal led me to identify my CPTSD from childhood trauma. I was also able to observe first hand how vulnerable traumatised individuals are at risk of being denied benefits and channelled into the psychiatric system and cynically misdiagnosed as they attempted to do this to me – and totally failed I might add. I was however kept in a traumatised condition by these experiences – in order to even begin to heal one has to find a safe and secure place where there are no worries about the fundamentals of food and shelter and safety from physical injury.
I’ve eventually found my way to settle in Ireland. Finding a home here has involved homelessness and financial deprivation. I doubt I could have put myself through that experience except that it meant I was able provide much needed support to my amazing brave and intelligent daughter. She was struggling with feelings of isolation after moving into Independent Living – supported accommodation – in Ireland where she grew up. She is a wheelchair user with the condition Cerebral Palsy, the severity of which means she is unable to stand, walk, read, write or use a computer unaided – hence I am so very proud that she graduated with a higher diploma last year.
I am very happy to say I have found some peace here and after a year of isolation, some like-minded individuals. I’ve also been able to access free appropriate counselling here for the first time in my life with someone trained to understand the impact of trauma. I was unable to find a health professional in the UK who had any training in or understanding of the condition – remarkable considering the huge amount of tax payer funded research done on the topic when the world wars provided plenty of research subjects.
I am learning to manage my condition by developing strategies to avoid being triggered into emotional flash backs. This is when you experience strong emotions that have nothing to do with the current situation. They relate to the original trauma that the trigger has ‘reminded’ you of. Flashbacks can last for hours, days, weeks or months. The trick is to anticipate where they may happen and stay aware.
Presenting my research is very potentially triggering for me and can sometimes lead to periods where I am unable or barely able to continue. However I can think of nothing more worthwhile than exposing the system that allows this to happen to huge numbers of people and then studies them, misdiagnoses them and places them on inappropriate medication for the rest of their lives (consequently generating huge income for big pharma)
So I can’t promise even now that I will be in a position to respond, but I will read everything – all support and good wishes are hugely appreciated.
I am still financially challenged but the basics are taken care of (at last).
However in terms of presenting my research, things are more serious. I’m struggling with a computer that is ‘sick’ (it told me – operating system not found last week after making alarming noises for months!) and my website package expires in June. The software I would like to use to clearly present my research is a couple of hundred dollars (thebrain.com) that I don’t have. I’m currently trying to find work-arounds via free provision like word press, and hoping at least to keep the domain so all the links referring to articles e.g. in forums can be repaired eventually by putting the site back up.
My website mk.gowebs.co.uk went down a few months ago due to an automatic update at a time when I had no internet access to sort it out. I am reluctant to use the ‘sick’ laptop as it contains all my research documentation that I desperately don’t want to loose – free access to primary sources of documentation is virtually non-existent these days.
I tried to fundraise over a year ago by asking on my website for a one euro donation, thinking that if every one donated a euro who visited my site and forum all my problems around financing my research would be resolved. I’ve had a donation of one euro so far. I am clearly not very good at fund raising!
I am very appreciative of all the donations I received in previous years – Jan Irvin, MKULTRA researcher of gnosticmedia.com raised the funds for my lap top! You can watch the video linked to at the above picture where I was subsequently interviewed by Jan about my research.
The problems with the laptop started right after the 1 year guarantee expired. It said ‘fan error’ so, being literally penniless at the time, I attempted First Aid and opened it myself to blow any dirt from the fan. I subsequently discovered that under European law, all guarantees on lap tops are extended to 2 years, and that by opening it myself I have voided the guarantee. The fan wasn’t dirty and the laptop does not get hot.
If anyone has ideas, suggestions or practical help around how to reseat a hard drive in a Fujitsu Life Book A554 model, they will be very welcome. This is my best guess at a diagnosis.
Anyone with fundraising skills who would like to make suggestions or even help? I know these are difficult times for many so now that I’m finally settled and I have a minimal income I will chip away at financing this myself as always – but it’s probably going to take a couple of years, literally!
I’m also looking for help and advice or even a ghost writer to come in on the project of presenting my research in a book.